Some themes from my past have been popping up a lot lately. These themes typically rear their ugly heads just as I am feeling firmly rooted in new projects, motherhood, and life in general. That tends to happen doesn’t it? Just when you are feeling settled, boom, plot twist. Or thought twist.
I realize now though, how much more ease I have with my own inner critic. The gremlins. That pesky voice that historically would dictate how I would respond in a given situation or what I “should” do. It can be a rather harsh voice, reminiscent of the harsh tones I grew up with. I know now though that those voices needn’t apply to my life or my choices. I look at my own drive, especially towards work and the things that I desire to create, and know that I cannot create from a place of fear. Nor can it be a place of shame, guilt, or scarcity.
I do know that I need to hold myself accountable, but in doing so I can sometimes create the critic. Well, how about accountable compassion? I myself need to surrender to my own process. I know that for me, it helps to be encouraged with kindness, compassion, and love. A sense of self forgiveness for not being where I thought I would, however acknowledging that I am no where near the place that had been chosen for me long ago. For all of it, I do feel a profound sense of gratitude.
In coaching we often identify our gremlins to help notice when they start to creep in. I recall a coaching session years ago with my mentor and I described my gremlin as “ROD”. Raw. Overwhelm. Disconnection. Damn ROD. He is this gnarly, toothless, ignorant, mullet sporting asshole. Gross right? Yup. It gives you an idea though, of what is needed in those moments when gremlins pop up. In those moments for me, I need my own reassurance that I am okay, in the right place, loved, valued, and filled with gratitude. I am creative, smart, and not what my gremlin would like me to believe. How could I be?
In these moments I refer to Byron Katie’s first question in “The Work”. “Is it true?” Often, it is not true. What the gremlin is saying isn’t true. So what I choose next is imperative. Choosing to move forward. Proceed with a shit ton of self love. Accountable compassion. I want to move forward. To become. I can hold myself to that, but I will do it with love. Can you?
Let’s rise,
